“You’re an upside down person and the crazy thing to do for everyone else is the right decision for you 90 percent of the time.”

“Every day, you say something, and it takes a second to register and then I feel so stupid as it is happening to me, like, the joke is happening to me.”

 “The circumstances under which you appear to be fine feel confusing.”

“Stop taking things that make me feel vaguely insane as compliments.”

“I feel that this is the universe making up for the fact that I didn’t grow up with siblings.”